Lithromantic - naturally experiencing romantic love without desire for reciprocation
We have not said we don’t think lithsexuality is a thing (unless one of us made a grammatical error somewhere, which is possible.)
Lithsexuality is a valid identity. There may be overlap between lithsexual and grey-asexual, but that’s for you to determine for yourself.
No, those are the colors of the aromantic spectrum flag. Whether the flag is official or not is still somewhat in question, as the original flag was designed and approved by a very small group (myself, my co-mod, and friends, in fact). There are other prospective flags, which some people prefer, but some still prefer this flag.
In case you are wondering about the colors, green (the opposite of red, which is the color of romantic love) symbolizes aromanticism, yellow (traditional representation of friendship) symbolizes queerplatonic relationships, ‘romantic friendships’, etc., orange (red with yellow) symbolizes lithromanticism, and black (historically a color of social nonconformity and emotional unavailability, among other things) represents a variety of people who fall within a grey-aromantic range; those who experience romantic attraction but reject normative romantic culture, those who experience romantic attraction in non-normative ways, etc.
(also, as i have said elsewhere in the past, we do not oppose a new flag. creating a flag through a community effort is a good thing. the reason we creating a flag without consulting the rest of the community is that when we did so, there was no community. a flag seemed like a good step towards creating a community, by creating a symbol to draw together under. for now, though, this flag is our preferred design, and it will continue to be a part of our icon.)
I’m sure it has been mentioned on this blog before that the people who originally coined the term lithromantic (my co-mod and myself) are both queer and trans*. So, claiming that my romantic orientation is disrespectful to GRSM people rings a bit hollow.
GRSM, for those following along at home, stands for “gender, romantic, and sexual minorities.” So yes, people who have minority romantic orientations are included in the GRSM umbrella term. Including lithromantics.
Honestly I don’t understand why anyone feels the need to attack the lithromantic community. Is it really so hard to believe that people might experience love in different ways? And that it might be useful to many of us to categorize some of those ways to make it easier to explain or discuss our experiences?
It certainly could be lithromanticism. Like any orientation, lithromantics are a diverse group. Some lithromantics actively desire a lack of reciprocation, but can cope with it if it does happen. On the other end of the spectrum, we have lithros who theoretically don’t mind reciprocation, but when it does happen, tend to be uncomfortable with it at best, and repulsed by it at worst.
Only you can tell for sure if you’re lithromantic. It’s not impossible for it to be something else.
But, what you’re describing definitely does fall within the realm of lithromanticism.
This doesn’t mean you can never have a relationship. You could have a queerplatonic relationship, you could have a sexual relationship (emotionally close or casual or anything else), you could even have a pseudo-romantic relationship if you found the right person for that and were able to pre-negotiate it in a way that worked for both you and your partner.
All those possibilities aside, if you consider yourself lithromantic, then you are lithromantic. Self-identification is the most important part of almost every identity.
Coming out is a very personal thing, and whether it’s important, or even a good idea, to do so depends a lot not only on the person coming out, but the person/people they’re coming out to.
My general thought is that one should probably be out about their romantic orientation to anyone they are in a relationship with. Beyond that, it can vary a lot whether it’s really anyone else’s business.
I’m out to pretty much everyone I know. But then again, my friends and family are all very accepting, and I’m very emotionally close to all of them. So I generally want the people who are important to me to know everything I consider important about my life and identity, and I can trust them to be cool about pretty much anything.
I can’t really offer much in the way of specific advice on such a situationaly dependent thing without knowing the particulars, but I hope this helps!
Lithromanticism can certainly layer with other areas of the aromantic spectrum.
Yes, absolutely. Sexual attraction and/or activity don’t necessarily have anything to do with romantic attraction and/or activity.
A lithromantic person may be romantically attracted to an individual, who is not romantically attracted to that lithromantic, and the two of them may have a sexual relationship which is romantic only in one direction.
And this can either by a case of romantic attraction developing and then initiating the sexual relationship, or of being in a sexual relationship and then developing the romantic attraction. Or some other variation I haven’t thought of.
You can have a queerplatonic or a sexual relationship with someone who is not romantically attracted to you.
I just thought it was so romantic—the idea that you don’t need to be loved in return in order to love something or someone. Love can come from you. It doesn’t have to be reciprocal. People love their cars. People love all kinds of things, and they really love them. And we don’t really value that kind of love because it’s not a real, reciprocal kind of love, but it’s real love to them..